why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
