Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
