Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
