My balls are so social today.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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