she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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