My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
