**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
