I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
