on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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