Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
