somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
