He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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