No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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