D3 body, D1 cock
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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