tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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