..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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