summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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