i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
