I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
