the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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