How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
