I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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