For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
