Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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