Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
