Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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