At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
