And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
