The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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