Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
