The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
