i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
