I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
