I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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