it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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