Define "chronic" masturbator.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
