Do you still have your period?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
