If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
