why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
