remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
