Please, let me fuck your mom
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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