Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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