last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
