Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
