i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
