Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
