Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
