we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
