It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm always down for nudity.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
