So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
