You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
