I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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