and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm just crazy horny about you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Randomize
